Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Airplane Mechanic Humor

Sometimes after we deal with dense, heavy issues, it's good to unwind a little and laugh a lot. So, I'm going to offer you material that is not written by me. I can almost hear the clapping from here..

For those of you that live close to Snyder, Texas area, which is roughly halfway between Abilene, Texas and Midland, Texas---I'm going to be doing a book signing at the Chonda Pierce/Phillips, Craig, and Dean Concert this Thursday (10/25). I would love to see my Texas friends if you could come by and say hello. For more info on the book signing, see my website: www.traviswinman.com

Anyway, here is some light reading material....

Airplane mechanic humor

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

7 comments:

Christi Snow said...

LOL! These are great!!! I will have to show this to DH who is in charge of approx 700 airplane mechanics (a great number of them under the age of 20 and wouldn't think twice about answering those same questions this way!?!)
smiles!

Alison said...

That poor midget man! Can we at least slip him a sandwich or something?
I didn't mean that as bad as it sounds (for any of you reading who don't know me).

dave said...

This is funny stuff. I wonder how often these guys come up with a great line and wait for weeks until someone reports just the right line.

Yehudi01 said...

I laughed so hard as I read those!! Thank you for that...I needed a laugh tonight!

zerocool898 said...

You know these are fake right. They started off with Quantus as the airline and then it just keeps changing..

but they are FUNNY!

Aircraft Mechanics jobs said...

WOW ,LOl this is really funny and hilarious so I can't stop laughing and it is hard to believe that aircraft mechanics can have this type of humour.

Anonymous said...

It takes a lot more than a high school diploma to fix an aircraft. Thanks to mechanics and avionics techs, the plane will take off and land its self.Pilots don't do anything but push a button and get a peanut.