Monday, February 2, 2009

The Ghost in the Grass--A True Story

The other day, I went out for a walk, trying to find time for some peace and quiet. I was in a reflective mood, trying to make sense of life. When I emerged from a heavily wooded area, I waded through some grass that was knee deep and immersed in sunshine.

I couldn’t see all that well, and I tripped over what I thought to be a root. Turning to take a second look at my unseen spoiler, I stopped and stared at a sight too unbelievable to accept. I had tripped over a skeleton!

My years as a police officer kicked into gear and without thought, I reached for my phone to dial 911, so I could report the death to Sheriff Waller. I cordoned off the area immediately surrounding the body and began a cursory search to see if any other bones might be lying around, desperately hoping that there was only one death to report, and not several. Please don’t let this be a mass grave of some serial killer…

It’s a queer feeling when you happen upon death unexpectedly. At first, I thought of foul play, and assumed that the attacker might be surveilling the area for possible signs of detection. Then I rationalized that the body was decayed to the point of skeletal remains, therefore the odds of the killer hanging out where limited. The next thought I had was, “what if this person died of a heart attack?” The idea upset me because this individual died alone, and in some stage of peril. What if he’d been attacked by a bear? But, the skeleton was intact, so there were probably no wild animals attempting to devour the body.

While I waited on the police, and the longer I stared at the body, the more I began to wonder about this person’s identity. Who was this person? What was his or her name? What were their hopes and dreams? And then I wondered—why are there antlers growing out of his head?

21 comments:

sharilyn said...

what a hilarious post!! you really had me going! :) if your book is anything like this, i'll soon have to break down and order one! :) (maybe i can squeeze it into next month's budget!) thanks for the laugh!

Travis said...

Sharilyn-
Send me your address and I'll send you a copy, just for being my friend!

traviswinman[at]yahoo(dot)com.

Tracy said...

Travis, you are too funny! You seriously had me going and my immediate thought was, (gasp) what would I do? Thank you for giving me a good afternoon chuckle! ;-) Blessings, you ornery one!

Travis said...

Imagine how I (might have) felt when the police arrived! That could be hard to explain.

God's Not Finished With Us Yet... said...

HA! That's so freakin' funny; just cracked me up....I can't stop smiling!!!!

How hilarious, to say the least!

PS Thanks for the comment on my page today. It was very sweet.

Blessings, and watch out for antlers.
Sarah (Still can't stop laughing/smiling)

Sarah said...

Travis,

That was great! You should write more humor.

Have a good Monday!

Anonymous said...

so you finally found that ole elusive buck huh?

Deacon said...

just kidding Will, I am not really that anonymous. hehe

Travis said...

Sarah-
I'm glad you found an occation to smile! Once in a while I like to throw something unexpected at you, just for fun.

And yes, that's about the only way I will get that big buck. The older I get, the less interested I am in having to field dress and process a big buck. That's what brothers are for! I kindof figured that was you, Deacon. Seems like I have a picture of a big buck you shot many years ago (we both had less grey in our hair then!) Of course, talking about shoot a deer has probably driven off the rest of my readers. :)

Talkin' Texan said...

That is funny, but great minds think alike. The whole time I was reading it I was wondering what kind of critter the bones really belonged to. But I did wonder for just a minute if you were going to have a part 2 telling about some horrible murder.

I got a kick out of it because I purposly put a cow and mule skeleton in a cactus bed in my fron yard. They looked really cool there, until stray dogs (and maybe a cyote or two) started dragging the bones all around.

Travis said...

Leave it to us country folk to immediately assume that bones in a field were from a critter!

The only reason this joke worked was because shows like CSI and NCIS and Bones immediately create an identity point for people to start from. Thanks, Grissom and Gibbs for setting it up for me.

Billy Coffey said...

That was great. And I'll admit, you had me. You had me...

Talkin' Texan said...

Hey Travis,
I finally got around to posting the answer to your question about how I made it through 3rd grade in two weeks. And I've opened it up for my readers to tell how God has changed their history. Come tell your story.

Rosslyn Elliott said...

This is the best! Thanks for the laugh.

Some legendary humans had antlers - like Herne the Hunter.

Travis said...

Thanks for the info on Herne. That was particularly interesting to google. Now I wonder if I should write a story about finding a man with antlers attatched to his head...
Naw, probably wouldn't be interesting at all!

gzusfreek said...

LOL - you are hilarious. You had me from word one! You are the best, Travis! Thanks for the laugh!

God's Not Finished With Us Yet... said...

Actually Travis,to answer your question; the smell of 'crap' (forgive me please) still lingers around. First we called Roto Rooter (?) and they wanted %500 to stick some type of hefty 'snake' down our back yard pumping line, but then our neighbor told us 'No, just call the city and they'll do it for free.' We did just that and sure enough they came out and showed through a little camera where the problem was. So for now their 'snake like' equipment was able to open the lines back up, but they said it'll more than likely happen again. He said to write a letter to the city asking them to do the repairs because my house just had this issue, and my next door neighbor and her back yard neighbor, PLUS our back yard neighbor (all four house connected) have had this same sewage come up in our homes within the last 3 years. Our stove is somewhat working....my hubby was able to get one burner lit, but the other three are still not lighting,they just make the clicking sound and there's a small spark but that's it. Same with the pilot light on our hot water heater; it's not fixed. So we'll be a little roughin' in with cold/more like freezing showers until we get it fixed. Thanks for asking. I appreciate that. Bless you!

lynnrush said...

OMG, you so had me going! Travis you stinker.

Great story.

Travis said...

I'm just grateful that everyone automatically assumed I was joking with this story.

A appreciate that you didn't conclude that I was just stupid!

I'll try to post something else soon!

Jennifer said...

Not only are you a caring man (thanks for that kind email), you're also a riot!

Great post ...

Amy Deardon said...

Travis, you had me. This is too funny!