Anyone care for a soapbox? I happen to have one, and I'm willing to share mine...
Demand a Ring
I have noticed that many men and women co-habitat today. Co-habitation is nothing more than a polite way of saying that they are “shacking up”. Why do you suppose that our moral standard has been so degraded that we no longer hold marriage to be important? Scholars and theologians can drown in the depth of that quandary and still fall short of an answer that will satisfy all. My greatest concern in the dilemma about men and women living together outside of marriage is that women must consider themselves worthless in order to do so. Contrary to my nature, I won’t implore a theological emphasis on this discussion, as I can make an adequate argument without the mention of Bible or God.
America has a rich heritage of protecting what is valuable. Patriots throughout our history have willingly suffered, bled, and died to protect our values, beliefs, and valuables. Most of us would be willing to place our values and beliefs above the valuables of our country, and I would be one of them, unless the valuables I mention are our greatest resource – our people. America is what it is today because of the people that live here, not because of what we own or where we are located. America is a great nation because great men and women live here and are totally invested into the betterment of our way of life.
Yet, we are falling short of the mark. If our greatest resource is truly our people, then we have a tremendous miscommunication from the top of our social and moral structure, right down to the lowliest of our citizens. Allow me to be blunt. America’s women are selling themselves short by sleeping with a man they aren’t either married to or going to marry.
Our churches are supposed to be the beacon of what is right and what is wrong, as even non-church goers will admit. Traditionally, churches were the moral compass for our society, continually pointing to what we deemed morally right. After the social and sexual revolutions of the twentieth centuries, our moral compass became fixed on political correctness and gender equality, and failed to point to the traditional values that sustained our nation for almost two hundred years. One of the by products of that moral revolution was the social approval of sexual carelessness. By carelessness, I don’t simply refer to recklessness, although that argument has merit, I mean the lack of care or concern for sexual conduct. The motto, “If it feels good, do it” became our national anthem and we no longer point accusing fingers at a man that failed to make it home after a date, or at the woman that opened her bed to him. Being married became antiquarian and simply stuffy old fashionedness.
I’ve been chasing this rabbit long enough, so I will come to the point. Why should a man get married to a woman when he can get all he wants from her without that stifling commitment? What does a man want from a relationship with a woman? I will leave each reader to determine his own answer, but I think it is safe to say that the average man seeks a sexual relationship first, and love or companionship second. In our not so distant history, the marriage bed was sacred and sexual relationships were reserved for marriage. Despite what Hollywood would have us believe, the majority of Americans were conservative and morally upright. Only in the last few decades have liberal moral interpretations become vogue. I am not referring to Republican or Democrat, rather, I am referring to conservative family values, not political ideals.
If a woman willingly gives her body to the man she is with, why would he be motivated to commit to marriage? While in our recent past, marriage was the only way to sexually know a proper young lady, all one has to do now is be available. I can’t tell you how often a woman will flirt with me at a store or on the phone. I am often weary of talking to a woman and looking at her in the eye, because she misinterprets my intentions and assumes that if I am looking at her eyes that I want to “get to know her better.” I get the distinct impression that I am expected to have sexual interest in every woman that I meet.
I am angry when I realize that women have stepped down from a place of respect in our community and have taken on the role of a sex object. What self-esteem can a woman express when she makes herself available to the selfish gratifications of a man that is not committed to her? After he decides to move on to another relationship, what is this woman to believe about herself? Why is she not to feel used or abused?
I do assert that sexual activity outside of marriage is abusive. The gift of virginity can only be given to one man. Shouldn’t that man be the one that is committed to that woman for life? Why should a woman make herself vulnerable to a man only to have him refuse to marry her or commit to her. So many times, the man will promise to be faithful to her or to marry her someday, but tomorrow never comes and a precious woman wastes her life while waiting on a man who will not respect her enough to not abuse her. I am sorry when I realize how many women invest into a man that continually finds an excuse or perpetually delays on a commitment.
Women are special. They have a tendency to give out physically in order to receive love. Men are special. They have a tendency to give out love in order to receive physically. All too often, women give out a lot more than they receive. After all, a man gets what he wants without having to commit that love that the woman so deeply craves. He simply has to pretend to love her to fulfill his part of the bargain. The woman is the one who settles for the scraps, when she is the one holding all the valuables. When a woman withheld her physical body for the marriage bed, a man had reason to invest emotional commitment to his love. There was a mutual desire that was managed through discipline and respect that was consummated in a safe and wholesome manner. Now, when a woman gives her body to man that is not committed to her, when he leaves, she is left to deal with the emotional and physical repercussions. When before, the man was committed to his wife through the marriage bond and she could safely invest into him.
When a woman agrees to live with a man that will not marry her, she is being abused by him. I can find no plainer language. The man is abusive of her. It is wrong to sexually invest into someone that you are not committed to for life.