Church Projection Screen Gaffs...
This is gonna be fun!
The other day at church I saw the projector spilling words upon the screen so we, the parishioners, could "follow the bouncing ball", so to speak. The song they chose was a beloved hymn from centuries back, Amazing Grace. But the screen said, "Amazing Grapes."
Perhaps it was a song about the men Joshua sent to spy out the land? No, it was a gaff. And a funny one at that. I stopped singing and then endured the frowns from those surrounding me as I attempted to hold in my laughter. I guess they were either more spiritual than me, or they failed to catch the typo. So, if this has happened in my church, where else has it happened? I did a quick google search and found some funny gaffs that I thought you'd enjoy as well...
1. “Lord, You are more precious than silver… Lord, You are more costly than golf.”
2. It was Easter. The line was supposed to read “We were naked and poor”
but instead it read “We were naked and poop.” I could not stop laughing
for the rest of the song.
3. When we lived in Latin America: the line in the song was supposed to
be “levantando manos santas” (lifting holy hands) but they wrote “monos”
(monkeys) instead of “manos” and put that on the screen. Lifting holy
monkeys. Um hmm.
4. “Our God is greeter, our God is stronger.” I like that image. God
greeting us as we walk into church. He’s like the little old lady who
shakes our hands, only … He is God and God gives high fives!
5. Lion of God turned into “Loin of God.” My bad.
6. I create the lyric sheets for our small fellowship, and one Sunday the “strumpets” were calling during Days of Elijah. Oops.
7. The slide said “four our sins He died.” Someone behind me asked if we’re on our own for the fifth sin.
8. The best one I have seen was: “Amazon love, how can it be?”
9. I’m personally a fan of “Angles We Have Heard on High” at Christmastime. I always assume they are right angles.
10. I once attended a performance of Handel’s “Messiah” where the phrase
“surely He has borne our griefs” was printed as “surely He has borne
our briefs” in the programs given to the audience. I laughed for a
while.
11. “I once was blond, but now I see” during “Amazing Grace.”
12. Once saw "O that with yonder sacred THONG." Worship leader never lived that one down.
13. “Silent Night,” forgot to change the slide, happened two years
straight, lights down, holding candles: "Radiant beans from Thy holy
face."
14. “How deep the Farters love for us” . . . nope, not making this up!
15. The one that comes to mind was the misspelling in "Joy to the World"
a few years ago at one of our Christmas services. It was supposed to be
"rocks, hills and plains" but ended up as "rocks, hells and plains."
16. I failed to run a check over the PowerPoint once. We were singing
"Holy is the Lord" and during the pre-chorus the screen read "Together
we sing, Everyone sin." That's a little different than "Everyone sing"…
17. “Savior, He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to shave, He is mighty to shave....”
18. In a final proof of a Christmastime bulletin before printing, I saw that I had inadvertently typed "O Holy Nighty."
19. At Christmas one year, our youth intern misspelled things, so we sang about, "Marty, the mother of Jesus." Good times.
20. I was producing video at a traditional hymn service and in a rush my
operator typed the words "God gives us the gift of immoral gladness."
He thought he got away with only the team knowing but overheard two dear
old ladies say to each other "it shows the importance of just one
letter 't'."
Originally shared on the website of author Jon Acuff.
Feel free to click the "share" buttons and spread the joy amongst your friends.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Mediterranean Madness Part XV - The Journey Home
We flew to Amsterdam, where we were going to connect with
Delta. What a treat it is to fly into Amsterdam and see the flowers in the
fields and the lattice work of canals that crisscross the planes. We landed,
and then we were promptly ushered into a line, which led us to Customs. This
was something of a surprise to us, as we had no intention of staying in
Amsterdam, and I was worried that we were about to exit from the airport, but
that is standard procedure for the Dutch. We passed through Customs and even
got a stamp in our passports. We found ourselves in the main terminal, where we
worked our way to the Delta gates. We stopped to buy some Cokes and a snack.
Sarah got a Dr. Pepper, and the rest of us selected a local soda of some kind.
The guy behind the counter told us we couldn't take the drinks or snacks with
us to the gate, but we didn't know what he meant. We walked another 20 feet and
discovered his meaning. In order to fly to the US, we had to pass through
another security checkpoint, one in which no liquids are allowed to pass. So,
we stood there and slammed our drinks and snacks so we could pass through this
check point. And let me tell you, it was thorough. Thoroughly thorough, in
fact. And then we were herded into a waiting room with a lot of people and very
few chairs, where we waited until our plane was ready. By this time, it was
early afternoon. We got on the plane and headed west, flying over Iceland and
Greenland, and landed in Seattle. The sun was up the entire day. This may not
seem extraordinary to you, but we left Barcelona at around 11:00 that morning
and landed in Seattle sometime around 4:00 that evening. By the clock it was a short
day, but we had traveled about 18 hours, give or take. It was a much shorter
trip for us to fly home than it was to get to Barcelona at the beginning of the
trip.
We were so tired when we arrived in Spokane that we checked
into a hotel and crashed until the next morning. We were glad to be home, but
we had such a wonderful trip that we immediately began to calculate ways we
could return to Europe ASAP. We're thinking about a Scandinavian cruise. That
will probably be our next big trip.
Thus ended our Mediterranean vacation. I'll wrap up this
rather verbose review with the following comments:
A random thought about ordering pizza in Europe, especially in Italy. If you want a regular ordinary cheese pizza with a tomato type sauce, then you want the Margherita pizza. If you want an American style pepperoni pizza, then you will need to order the salami, and probably the spicy salami. It's the closest you'll get to the one from back home. Do not confuse my last sentence with the one that immediately follows. If you order a pepperoni pizza in Italy, you will get a pizza with small peppers. Don't make this mistake if you don't like peppers on your pizza. The pepperoni in Florence had bell peppers; other places had a different variety. If you order a pizza with ham, it will be ham, but it will be several sheets of thin, parma ham that are scattered across the pizza and it will resemble a Picasso. The ham pizzas are very good. One pizza will almost always feed two people. We knew that, but we continually ordered a different pizza for each member of our party. They were usually between 6 and 10 Euros per pie, and they were always thin crust. They also had a tendency to be ever so slightly gooey (just a little) in the very center, as if it needed 2 more minutes in the oven. Not one pizza that we ordered in Italy (or Barcelona) was sliced. We had to slice it with a fork and knife, and that is hard to do with randomly placed deli slices. If you asked they might slice it in the kitchen, but we continually forgot to ask.
A thought on using the restroom in Europe. Unless you're at a facility that offers those
services, you are expected to pay for them.
Anywhere from .50 Euro to 1 Euro, but usually between .50 and .70 euro. The bathrooms are clean. Very clean.
Your change is actually funding the services of the person who stands
off to the side in the restroom and then cleans it when you are finished. After a while, you will get used to that person
standing there. They ain't watching, if
that's what you're worrying about, and they won't be impressed, if that thought
flashed through your mind. The toilets
with holes in the ground are just as useful.
None of the seats in Europe are built for comfort; you don't want to
read the Wall Street Journal while you're in there. They're built for function. "Thank you for coming, thank you for
leaving" seems to be their motto.
And unlike the riot I almost started at the Vatican, observe and respect
the waiting line.
Another travel tip in general: Sarah picked up some battery
packs that you can plug your phone or game into and it will charge your device,
just like electricity in a bottle, which is what a battery is, I suppose. But
it will work on a plane or while on a bus, where you might not have a plug
available. We actually used these almost exclusively to charge our devices
while in Barcelona. Never had to use the
power adapter/converter.
This is what cruising is all about! |
My final random thought: We had a horrible time with artwork
we purchased on the ship. In fact, we never received our order, which we paid
for with a credit card. We contacted Royal Caribbean, who told us that the art
company was going bankrupt, and that they would do everything they could to
refund the money we spent. Fortunately, the credit card payment could be
reversed, so I was thankful we used that instead of a debit card, which makes
it more difficult to refund money. Sarah looked online and found the exact same
painting and paid 1/3 of what it cost on the ship, and we received that order
in less than a week. Lesson learned!
If you enjoyed this review, drop me a line and let me
know. I am very vain, and I love
accolades! Check out my author page as
well. You might even enjoy some of my novels, (which are properly edited.)
You can find me here on Facebook. Follow me and you'll get updates on future publications and book signings.
And in case you missed the other reviews...
Part I Getting there
Part II Barcelona
Part III Barcelona Continued
Part IV France
Part V Livorno, Pisa, and Florence, Italy
Part VI Rome
Part VII Sea Day
Part VIII Turkey
Part IX Athens
Part X Santorini
Part XI Sea Day
Part XII Italy: Positano, Sorento, Amalfi Coast, and Pompeii
Part XIII Sea Day
Part XIV Back to Barcelona
Part XV The Journey Home and Final Thoughts
You can find me here on Facebook. Follow me and you'll get updates on future publications and book signings.
And in case you missed the other reviews...
Part I Getting there
Part II Barcelona
Part III Barcelona Continued
Part IV France
Part V Livorno, Pisa, and Florence, Italy
Part VI Rome
Part VII Sea Day
Part VIII Turkey
Part IX Athens
Part X Santorini
Part XI Sea Day
Part XII Italy: Positano, Sorento, Amalfi Coast, and Pompeii
Part XIII Sea Day
Part XIV Back to Barcelona
Part XV The Journey Home and Final Thoughts
Mediterranean Madness Part XIV Back to Barcelona
This is just plain sad...
DISEMBARCATION AT BARCELONA
We arrived at Barcelona sometime during the night. On day 9
or 10 they had passed out an exit form (that was to be turned back in to guest
services) and we were allowed to choose our time-slot for disembarking. We had
no planes to catch, or reason to hurry, so we chose the last time slot, making
our departure at 8:30 that morning. Sarah's parents chose to enjoy the late
checkout, which meant they could stay on the ship until that afternoon. I don't
know more about that particular option, but they were happy with it. Me,
personally, I was ready to get off the ship and start exploring Barcelona
again, and the 8:30 time-slot worked splendidly for that. Our check out occurred
with minimal difficulty, and we were off the ship in less than 20 minutes, with
our bags, and standing in the taxi line. (There was no Custom's declaration
that I could identify.) The line for a cab was fairly long, but it moved
quickly. We took our taxi straight from the terminal to Hotel Regina, and I
think it cost about 25 Euros, more or less. The hotel was expecting us, and
made the check in process painless. They didn't have our room ready at 9:30,
but promised it would be ready within an hour. So, we left our bags with the
front desk and walked a few blocks to a café that was already open for
breakfast.
Barcelona doesn't really get an early start on the day. In
fact, the Starbucks, which was located next to our hotel, didn't even open its
doors until 7:30, and even then, I was the only person moving on the entire
street. So, we found that café and ordered more of that power-punch coffee and
a few pastries, and waited (buzzed) an hour. When we returned to the hotel, our room was
ready and we were able to explore again.
Our main plan was to tour the Sagrada Familia, so we stepped
onto the street and hailed a cab. The doorman at the hotel would have done that
for us, but the cab rides are cheaper if you grab one off the street, as the
driver starts the fare from the moment he receives the call. From our hotel to
the cathedral was only a few miles, and the fare was not expensive. Upon arrival
at the cathedral, Sarah immediately began to say, "oh, no." She said
it several times. It seems that she forgot to go online and purchase our
tickets to enter, and we were now doomed to stand in line with the general
population. Ugh. Quite a negative turn to our day. So, we got in line, which
wrapped from the front entrance, around the corner, and around the next corner.
And there was no joy in Mudville. We talked about skipping the cathedral, but
so many people insisted that we had to work that into our vacation, that we
shrugged and committed to waiting. And while we were waiting in a line that
took about an hour and a half, we realized that we also forgot our camera!
Fortunately, we had our iPhones, which saved our bacon. For when we finally got
into the Sagrada Familia, it was one of the most incredible places we've ever
visited.
You might remember from the first of the review when I
mentioned how disconcerting the architecture designed by Antoni Gaudi was?
Well, the closer you stand to the cathedral, the more schizophrenic his work
becomes. Half of the building appears to take on the shape of molten wax, while
the other part seems be the constructed in Mine Craft. And how he manages to
blend such contrasting themes is mind boggling.
Not only that, the outside of the structure is NOTHING like the inside.
There is no comparison.
These photos are just two examples of how extreme the outside of the cathedral is, and these shots are fairly close together.
First, let me tell you that there are restrooms available,
but the line is a bit long. The restrooms are clean, though. They can be found
on the outside of the cathedral, and at the entrance to the museum.
You will have several choices for various tours. Visitors
can access the Nave, Crypt, Museum, Shop, and the Passion and Nativity towers. We
purchased tickets to tour both the cathedral and the museum, and to ride the
elevator to the top of the Passion Tower. I highly encourage you to ride the
elevator to the top. That was an amazing experience.
I won't try to demonstrate the majesty of this church with photos...It just won't work. You actually have to see it to believe it. The second shot is looking up at the columns. See how they form a canopy?
And now—the cathedral interior. Gaudi used nature and
Creation to reflect God's glory, and he does so masterfully. The first thing
you notice as you enter the interior is the sense of peace that settles upon
you, drawing you deeper into the room. The next sensation is that of awe. The Nave
(sanctuary) itself is massive, and cavernous, and it suggests that it is an
extension of eternity itself. The natural lighting and the columns work in
concert to create the impression that you have stepped outdoors. The columns are
designed to imitate trees, and the trees rise from the floor and became
branches, which became a canopy, and the canopy is the ceiling, the top of
which rises more than two hundred feet in the air. Your eyes immediately lift
to the sky, and you stand in awe of the majesty that is the Sagrada Familia.
Hundreds of people are walking and talking, but I immediately had the sensation
that I was alone in the room, and that there was plenty of space for all of us.
See how massive the columns are? They rival the redwoods in California! One of the columns fell, and Seth jumped in to stick his finger in the dike.
We tried taking photos, but the building was so grandiose
that our shots couldn't capture what we saw. Somewhere in the far corner, I
could hear a choir softly singing a song which sounded like monks singing an
ancient Latin hymn, and theirs was an angelic performance.
I stood transfixed in my corner of the sanctuary,
overwhelmed that human hands could have created such a masterpiece. I don't have
a Catholic background, and I have only attended Catholic services that were
funerals, so I've had limited exposure to cathedrals, but what I experienced in
that Basilica fostered a yearning in me to worship God at that very moment. I
know that God is not a building, and that the people are His true temple, but
there was something Divine and inspiring in the Sagrada Familia, and my own wretched
grasp of the English language leaves my desire to express those inspirations
wanton.
Gaudi's desire was to honor God, and the sacrifice Jesus
made for our sins, and what he designed was the greatest human achievement in
that regard. Least I bore you with more of my efforts to describe the indescribable;
I will continue our chronicle of the day. We toured the sanctuary for an hour,
with our eyes continually uplifted. When our time came for us to explore the
tower via elevator, I was somewhat intimidated by the simplicity of the
elevator designated for our use. About ten people crammed into the tiny lift,
and we were transported to the rafters and up into the tower itself. When we
arrived at the top, the operator told us that we could return by the elevator
or we could walk down the stairs to the bottom. Be advised, there are more than
400 steps from top to bottom.
Not sure which tower we ascended. |
I was satisfied with my time at the top rather quickly, even
though the kids were buzzing about like they were born to be mountain goats. We
wound our way back to the elevators and saw that another pathway led past them
into a different chamber at the top. We followed some German tourists into that
chamber and quickly realized that we were now on the staircase the descended
into the Nave.
We had no intention of returning to the sanctuary via
staircase, but by the time we realized where we were, we were locked in to the
journey. Another group of tourists were behind us who fully intended on taking
the staircase, and there was no way we could step aside and allow them to pass
us, so we committed. In Pisa, we climbed the tower and successfully navigated
those stairs, which was roughly 275 steps. This can't be that different, right?
See how narrow the steps? And see how we were pressed into another group of tourists? The spiral staircase went on and on... There are no hand rails or anything to hold on to.
Similar staircase as our exit from the tower. |
This was right across the street. Yes, I know. McDonalds...
The menu, in case you were wondering. |
That is the cathedral. It's still under construction. |
I had now reached the point of emotional fatigue, and the
kids were hungry, so I decided I needed comfort food. A McDonald's was
conveniently located across the street, so we went and tried European McRibs
and quarter pounders with cheese. And if you know me personally, you will know
that I openly detest McDonald's, but…I was in a fragile state. My McRib was
actually quite tasty and much better that the version found in the states. Once
we ate, we took a cab back to the hotel, where we rested for short time. We
then went for a stroll on Las Ramblas, the famous avenue in the touristy part
of town, and rounded up the last of the souvenirs we needed to pick up for
folks back home. Today was our last full day in Europe, so we enjoyed a casual
stroll through the shops and streets, and fully experienced the touristy part
of Barcelona. Based on advice from Sheri, the Middle Age Drama Queen, we
visited a gelato shop in Plaza Catalunya at the beginning of Las Ramblas called
Fargii and ate the BEST gelato in Europe. HANDS DOWN, BAR NONE, the best.
Period. Thanks Sheri! We owe you one for passing that along!
These sangria were awesome, but a tad small. The yellowish one is made with cava instead of red wine.
These sangria were awesome, but a tad small. The yellowish one is made with cava instead of red wine.
We ran into Micah and Christopher at Fargiis, who stopped to
have some coffee. We then continued strolling the streets, and made our way to
a massive indoor mall about a half mile or so away. The owner of that mall must
be from Texas, 'cause it was impressive. We didn't stay long, and returned to
the streets, where we watched some local con artists trying to sell knock off
purses. They would set up shop for a few minutes, and when the cops discovered
their location, they would bundle everything up and make a mad dash to another
location. It was amusing to watch. It is also against the law to buy hot items
off the street or knock offs. Don't try to get past US Customs with those
items. Trust me on that. I've been arrested at the Port of Entry in Laredo,
Texas once, but that is an entirely different story for another day.
Rossini. The food was good. Great, in fact. |
Girlfriends! |
Plaza Reial, where we ate. We sat outside in the plaza. Check out those steaks!
We met up with Sarah's family with the intention of having a
final meal together. We set out in search of the perfect Spanish restaurant
that served both Spanish fare and Catalonian cuisine. We found a plaza a few
blocks off of Las Ramblas (this was Plaza Reial) and sort of close to the
gothic district that had exceptional restaurant choices. Sarah and I joined
Micah and Christopher and circled the square examining the various menus for
our last supper. While we were doing this, Mike, Sarah's dad, got bored
waiting, and went and sat down at the first Italian restaurant he could find. We
have laughed about that several times, that our last meal in Barcelona was at an
Italian joint which employed waiters from Hong Kong. With that meal, our time
was exhausted, and we were forced to return to our hotel for the night.
Sarah spent many frantic hours the next morning trying to
get all of our suitcases to not be over 50 pounds, which was a trick, because
we had five bottles of wine from Santorini to fit into our luggage.
Fortunately, Sarah thought to bring along a travel scale which we used to get
our suitcases to the exact weight necessary. Without that device, we would have
paid for extra heavy bags. While Sarah fussed with the bags, I went to
Starbucks to get some coffee. That's when I discovered that it didn't open
until 7:30, but the kid behind the counter saw me waiting outside and invited
me in and let me order. I think he just wanted to practice his English.
From there, Sarah had arranged for a car to the airport,
where we began a rather daunting effort to find the right airline. We were supposed
to fly out on KLM, an airline based in Amsterdam, and it took us a while to
find the right line to stand in. We were told by the line attendant that our
carry-on bags were too big and she forced us to check them as baggage, which
didn't suit me at all. Getting through security in Barcelona was a snap.
Literally. It was similar to the security at Disneyland. We budgeted an hour
for security, and we were through in less than five minutes. So, we decided to
kill some time by finding more authentic Spanish food to sample, but every
place we found was closed—except for McDonald's. You guessed it. In totally, we
spent three days in Barcelona, and ate at McDonald's twice and Italian food
once. The next time I go to Italy, I'm going to look for Spanish tapas, and try
to bring balance back into my life.
On my next post: Getting home and getting through customs..and my final thoughts on the trip.
Part I Getting there
Part II Barcelona
Part III Barcelona Continued
Part IV France
Part V Livorno, Pisa, and Florence, Italy
Part VI Rome
Part VII Sea Day
Part VIII Turkey
Part IX Athens
Part X Santorini
Part XI Sea Day
Part XII Italy: Positano, Sorento, Amalfi Coast, and Pompeii
Part XIII Sea Day
Part XIV Back to Barcelona
Part XV The Journey Home and Final Thoughts
On my next post: Getting home and getting through customs..and my final thoughts on the trip.
Part I Getting there
Part II Barcelona
Part III Barcelona Continued
Part IV France
Part V Livorno, Pisa, and Florence, Italy
Part VI Rome
Part VII Sea Day
Part VIII Turkey
Part IX Athens
Part X Santorini
Part XI Sea Day
Part XII Italy: Positano, Sorento, Amalfi Coast, and Pompeii
Part XIII Sea Day
Part XIV Back to Barcelona
Part XV The Journey Home and Final Thoughts
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Mediterranean Madness Part XIII - Last Sea Day
Seth's last chance to have sugar for breakfast
Sea Day 12
Our mood could be summed up in one phrase—our last day at
sea. Although we were consoled with the fact that we still had one full day
ahead of us in Barcelona, we were distraught that our long awaited
Mediterranean cruise was coming to an end.
We began our day with breakfast in the dining room, and we
were in no hurry to get up and get out. We had a very casual attitude about
activities for the day. The kids spent most of their day in the arcade trying
to use the free credits they had from the Crown and Anchor coupon booklet.
There's my beautiful girls!
Thriller! |
I attended the last art auction on the offhand chance that I
might win a painting in the final drawing. Throughout the cruise, the art staff
would hand out tickets for various reasons, and then collected them on the
final day, and drew one of them out of a hat. The winner won a painting of
Santorini. Unfortunately, I bid on and purchased the same exact painting earlier
in the cruise. I will have more to say about the art auction at the end of the
review.
Sarah half-heartedly attempted to pack, but we knew we were
going to do a major overhaul of our packing from our hotel in Barcelona, so
this was a "stuff and go" method she employed today.
Unable to lift our spirits packing mostly dirty clothes, we
decided to attend one final wine tasting and won yet another bottle of Champagne. We were batting a thousand for the
competition, but since they gave out four bottles the odds were very much in
our favor. The Wine Steward served us a Malbec that was terrible, and after
everyone complained about the taste he opened several more bottles and
discovered that the entire inventory of that particular label was bad.
Dinner was the usual round of goodbyes and photos, but the
meal was nothing spectacular. Dining on Serenade was not my favorite memory,
but it was better than the shows! Don't get me wrong, the food wasn't bad; it
just didn't meet the standard I expected from my previous cruises.
After dinner, Sarah and I wandered the ship until everything
was shut down, and then it was off to bed. The last sea day was almost as
boring as my review of it!
Part I Getting there
Part II Barcelona
Part III Barcelona Continued
Part IV France
Part V Livorno, Pisa, and Florence, Italy
Part VI Rome
Part VII Sea Day
Part VIII Turkey
Part IX Athens
Part X Santorini
Part XI Sea Day
Part XII Italy: Positano, Sorento, Amalfi Coast, and Pompeii
Part XIII Sea Day
Part XIV Back to Barcelona
Part XV The Journey Home and Final Thoughts
Part I Getting there
Part II Barcelona
Part III Barcelona Continued
Part IV France
Part V Livorno, Pisa, and Florence, Italy
Part VI Rome
Part VII Sea Day
Part VIII Turkey
Part IX Athens
Part X Santorini
Part XI Sea Day
Part XII Italy: Positano, Sorento, Amalfi Coast, and Pompeii
Part XIII Sea Day
Part XIV Back to Barcelona
Part XV The Journey Home and Final Thoughts
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